13 Signs You Need To Do More Self-Work

Once upon a time, I was a little skeptical of those who had a life coach or "worked on themselves." I assumed they weren’t coping well and needed help, but since I was feeling fine, I didn’t need it.

How wrong I was. A bad breakup was the catalyst. I found myself in a very reactive mindset, and I thought one session with a life coach would change that.

Unfortunately, one session didn’t transform my life, just like one personal training session won’t transform your body. But what it did do was open me up to this new world of "self-development," which HAS honestly changed my life over the past few years. I’ve learnt to look at myself in a new light — and that has made me see things very differently. These are some of the things I had to address — and I’m still ticking them off!

1. You take too many selfies.

Selfies are often designed to provide reassurance and approval, and as such, they’re the most effective “look-at-me” tool there is. For the poster, leaving your happiness in the hands of others (with their "likes" and comments) creates an unhealthy state of mind. What happens when you don’t get the number of likes you were hoping for?

2. Too much attention-seeking BS on Facebook.

Have you ever asked yourself why you’re REALLY posting something? If it’s for attention, you might be doing it for the wrong reasons. It’s most glaring when you look at relationships. The happiest couples I know don’t profess their love on Facebook; they save it for when they’re face to face.

3. Inability to be alone.

I used to hate being alone, especially on Sundays. I now not only appreciate my down time, but LOVE it.

4. The need to be busy.

Busy-ness is like a badge of honor these days, and packing our calendars with social engagements can make us feel warm and fuzzy. I used to do the same, but now save my energy and time for people I REALLY want to hang out with, and I never go a weekend without having some time to myself.

5. Nitpicking.

When you’re not grounded, you have a built-up energy that is ready to burst out at the first opportunity. The result? Picking a fight or starting an argument with someone. From my experience, the worst naggers are those who are the least settled.

6. Worrying too much about others.

When you’re unbalanced, you tend to worry about other people too much — when what you really need to do is look inward and address what’s throwing you off.

7. Depending on a relationship.

I jumped from relationship to relationship with barely a break in between for YEARS. I had a couple of good ones, but also a number of interesting ones. Had I learned to enjoy my own company, I would never have allowed myself to get into those ones that aren’t right.

8. Not being able to handle peaceful relationships.

My last relationship stunk of drama. On again, off again, it was never settled. Probably a sign of where we were both at in our lives.

9. Getting defensive quickly.

If you’re comfortable in your own skin, chances are you don’t get riled up or respond to accusations. The most settled people I know tend to take conflict with a “grain of salt” and use it to grow.

10. Putting up with toxic relationships and friendships.

Instead of staying in relationships that don’t serve you, pull the plug and find genuine people to spend time with. No one deserves to be in a bad relationship — or to be half of a one-sided, toxic friendship — and staying in it is a sign you don’t value yourself enough.

11. Obsessing about the number on the scale.

I know it sounds a bit fluffy, but you really do need to love your WHOLE self, not just the individual parts: abs, arms, legs. Happiness is just as important as physical health, and happiness comes, in part, from being comfortable in your skin.

12. Harboring resentment.

As I began to do the work on myself, I found it easier to let go of the past and embrace what I have. You’re in charge of your life; either play the victim or appreciate that those circumstances have created who you are today.

13. Worrying too much about what others think.

A few years ago, if I got a bad review on my blog, I’d take it down right away. Now, I just roll with it. I’ve got a core group of about 10 people, and if one of them thinks I’ve fallen out of line, they’ll tell me straight up. No matter what you do in life, you can’t please everyone, and people will talk. But who cares? What others say about you is none of your business.

I love the idea of self-development. As hippy it seems, it’s now a part of my life. The way I see it, if you want the best in life you need to put time and effort into making yourself the best version you can be. Go on, give it a go!

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