As women, we seem practically hard-wired to dis ourselves in ways we’d never do to a best friend. We get stuck in self-hating, sabotaging inner dialogue. It’s like a broken record of background music singing “You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good, let me tell you again …”
The problem is that all that time we spend hating on ourselves makes us feel like crap. And worse, when we get down on ourselves we don't take action on the things that would actually get us what we want — confidence, health, the body of our dreams, that dream job …
Total health and success can be yours. And it’s not just a matter of doing the right detox, the best diet and taking some supplements. You have to change the things you’re feeding yourself mentally and emotionally, too!
Try my top five go-tos for being my own BFF. Make them your own and watch your life transform!
1. Talk back to yourself!
When you hear the chatter (or full on holler!) of negative self-talk, you’ve got to talk back — do battle with the negative inner dialogue! You have permission to interrupt with a new message, because …
- You are so worth taking amazing care of.
- You are gorgeous, delicious, and lovable.
- You, lady, have arrived and have everything you need.
- You, honey, are enough. And then some!
- You belong.
- You deserve to feel the way you want to feel.
2. Fall in love with yourself, send yourself love notes and reminder letters!
I write letters to myself in my journal. I put myself in my BFF mode and write to myself the way one of my best girls would. I remind myself to be kind to myself, I give myself solutions to my problems. I tell myself I’m awesome when I need to hear it.
If you don’t keep a journal, leave yourself love notes and reminders on stickies, write in eyeliner on your bathroom mirror, pop a note onto your dashboard, or write one special reminder word right on the palm of your hand for the day! If you can’t think of something good to say about yourself at first, do a trade with a girlfriend and write our love notes to each other to use and trade.
3. Take yourself out on a date to the spa ... or at least take a long luxurious bath!
There’s nothing like a regular dose of self-love to keep you on your game. High-performance athletes and business people know this and make time for recharging and rejuvenating, getting massages, hitting the spa, or getting outdoors. So take yourself out for a regular spa date (even better if after a yoga class!), a luxurious afternoon with a book at a cafe sipping tea, take yourself to a movie — or at least create a special bath time with bubbles and oils and candles. Loving your beautiful self from head to toe regularly is a surefire way to tell that nasty self-talk gremlin that he’s not welcome!
4. Get toxic people out of your life!
I once had a “friend" who would always say things like, “You look so much better than when I ran into you last.” Another “friend” would say things like, “Well, I wouldn’t work because I think kids needs their mom at home," or “I just have no desire to have any career or fame that would interfere with me being a good mom.” Of course, this was just as my writing career was launching and when my kids were young.
They were being haters.
But the weird thing was that even though I was feeling great and was a totally devoted mom, and knew their comments were about their own stuff, I still somehow managed to internalize some small bits that got in my head and played with my own doubts. I found myself wondering why I’d have people in my life who wanted me to feel bad about myself? Or, for that matter, who felt bad enough about themselves to trash talk me?
There are lots of kinds of detoxes — and sometimes that includes detoxing your life of haters!
5. Get a life coach!
Sometimes we need some extra help hearing our own tapes because we’re so used to them as background noise. That’s when a life coach can make all the difference. A life coach can help you to recognize and transform unhelpful or even harmful self-talk into new and effective ways of being. A good life coach will help you to be the author of your own life, so you can create a story that helps you to design the health and life you dream of having.
In my medical practice, I actually offer an innovative approach to women’s health, combining life coaching with functional medicine to create lasting transformation in women’s lives. I also often refer women who want more intensive life coaching to the Handel Group — my go-to coaching group. They offer a free 20-minute consult and can really help you get to the core of your stuff.
I know that if you are reading this you want to thrive — totally and vibrantly. So seriously, it’s time to tell that negative self-talk to STFU so you can get on with your badass life!