A 12-Point Guide To Attract The Partner Of Your Dreams

mbg Contributor By Sheryl Paul, M.A.
mbg Contributor
Sheryl Paul, M.A., has guided thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her best-selling books, her e-courses, and her website. She has her master's in Psychology Counseling from the Pacifica Graduate Institute, and is the author of The Wisdom of Anxiety: How Worry and Intrusive Thoughts Are Gifts to Help You Heal.

It's spring here in the Northern hemisphere and love is in the air. I have several clients who are single and almost all of them are in the beginning of the dating process with promising partners.

What's interesting is that almost all of them also wrote out their vision list before they jumped back into the dating scene. A vision list is a document where you enumerate the essential qualities that you want in a future partner. The principle behind it is that the more clear you are about what you want, the more likely it is that you will manifest it.

For the sake of clarity, it can be helpful to organize your vision into categories. Over the years, I've honed the categories into 12 sections, which I will share with you below. Before you write your list, keep in mind the following pointers:

  • A well-matched partner won't meet all of your needs. As there's no such thing as a perfect partner, you're shooting for about 85%. This means that you may meet someone who ticks all the boxes except physically he's not quite what you imagined. That's OK. As a product of this culture, you probably have a warped definition of attraction that could use some redefining anyway. Likewise, she may not be as socially adept as you had imagined. My point is that these aren't dealbreakers, so while you're creating your vision list, it's absolutely essential to know that your future partner won't meet all of your desires and that you'll have to sacrifice somewhere.
  • Writing down your list facilitates the manifestation process as it takes the floating concepts in your mind and solidifies them onto paper.
  • Write in the affirmative. According the Law of Attraction, the universe responds to clear and positive communication about what we do want as opposed to negative and fuzzy messages about what we don't want.
  • Be as detailed as possible.
  • Dream big. Allow your dream to expand as big as your imagination and life will meet you there.
  • Most importantly, have fun with it. Allow your longing to translate into a feeling of joy as you imagine yourself into a loving, well-matched partnership:

Here are the 12 categories to focus on for your vision list. Some of the categories may be redundant when you flesh them out. That's OK; the world of manifestation doesn't mind redundancy. Feel free to add more categories of your own, of course:

1. Values

This includes having children, how you spend your time, what religion you practice if any, work ethic, approach to health (nutrition and exercise), and whether or not you're OK with drugs/alcohol/cigarettes.

2. Emotional availability & connection

Is he/she available and fully willing to commit? How does he or she demonstrate this readiness? Is she or he willing to be vulnerable? What's the connection like when you're both open to each other?

3. Sexuality

What are your needs? Be specific. Be poetic. Be brave.

4. Physical attributes

In your ideal world ...

5. Intellect

How important is traditional, left-brained intellect to you? Do you want your partner to be a reader? A searcher? An explorer of the world of ideas?

6. How he/she feels about me.

Do you want respect? Adoration? Trust?

7. How I feel about him/her

Be careful here: the culture says that you must feel wildly in love and attracted otherwise it means you're with the wrong person. An essential component of creating a healthy foundation on which to begin a relationship is making sure that your expectations about love, romance, and attraction are in alignment with reality, not fantasy.

8. Finances

Based on who you are, what you saw growing up, and your experiences with past relationships, be detailed about this aspect of your future partner.

9. Personality

Paint your vision in terms of extroversion/introversion, sense of humor, play, kindness, generosity.

10. Family and friends

What kind of a connection to his family of origin and friends do you hope to see in your future partner?

11. Lifestyle/Interests

Keeping in mind that having different interests is NOT a dealbreaker, which interests would you most like to share with a future partner? Do you hope your partner has a love of travel? Theater? Hiking? Watching movies? Swimming? Someone who has passions and hobbies? What about his or her relationship to creativity?

12. Spirituality

This may or not be important to you, depending on how much spirituality plays a part in your own life.

There is real power in a vision list, especially when you write it from a place of joy. You may be amazed when, a year from now, you pull out the list and realize that the person sitting across from you does, indeed, embody nearly all of the essential qualities that you write about today.

Sheryl Paul, M.A.
Sheryl Paul, M.A.
Sheryl Paul, M.A., has guided thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her...
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Sheryl Paul, M.A.
Sheryl Paul, M.A.
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