"Can you believe she said that to me?" "Who does that?" "Did that celebrity gain weight?!" Have you ever been in a conversation where you were dishing out negative judgment? Let’s be real, we all have engaged in low level conversations to complain, blame, compare and judge to make ourselves feel better.
From my experience, if you've dished it, you've been the victim of gossip as well. At some point, we'll find that these conversations energetically drain us and no longer resonate. This is a sign we are lowering our vibrations, others' vibrations and ultimately are leaving a negative energetic imprint on the world. We have to take responsibility for the energy we put out by finding a way to deal with drama without absorbing negativity.
Here is my five-step approach to avoid getting sucked into gossip:
1. Greet the gossip with silence.
Before you engage, ask yourself: do you truly have all the facts to form an intelligent opinion about this conversation? If the answer is no, then greet the gossip with silence. Don’t encourage people to fall deeper into their negativity vortex and suck you down too. When we defend or argue, even with honorable intentions, we feed into the drama. Someone looking to be negative is looking for any reaction regardless of whether you agree or disagree with them. By remaining silent, they'll get the cue that you're not feeding into the conversation and will change the topic. If they don't, move onto step two.
2. Listen with intent.
If they're fixated on the topic, listen with the intention and try to understand why they are bringing up this topic. As a former divorce mediator, I learned that under each firm opinion lie emotions that dictate our position. To shift out of negative thoughts, we must go below the surface to the root cause. We have to understand why people are projecting their fears on others and displacing their attention on someone outside of themselves. Do they have strong emotions because they feel insecure, anxious, unworthy or jealous? You can be certain there is underlying fear when we are in blame, complain and judgment mode.
Ask yourself: are they venting to release negative emotions or is it to deflect attention on to someone else to avoid the responsibility of self-healing?
If they are venting their negativity and energy with the intention of releasing and letting go, the best thing you can do is create a nonjudgmental and loving space so they can openly speak their truth. Share any uplifting pearls of wisdom that would serve them well. As they feel better and release the negativity, they will naturally change the topic and move on from a more lifted state. Sometimes, the complainer has no intention of letting go. They are gossiping because they are stuck in the negativity vortex and nothing uplifting will shift them out of the funk. If so, then move on to the next approach.
3. Focus on the lessons that's in it for YOU.
What am I meant to learn from this? Sometimes we share uplifting and positive pearls of wisdom only to be shot down by excuses. Sometimes we get frustrated at the person for not wanting to help themselves or we get bored of the conversation and check out.
In that moment, re-shift YOUR focus. Rather than focusing on the lesson they need to learn, shift the focus on the lesson you need to learn. Each person, relationship and conversation we encounter is an opportunity for optimal personal growth. What is this encounter meant to teach you? Do you need to learn to be more tolerant, patient, empathic or compassionate? Sometimes it’s about remaining loving amidst someone going through a tough and crazy time in their life.
If you realize there is a lesson you are called to learn, and you still want to help them move out of their discomfort, move on to the most powerful step.
4. Create a soul connection.
Many times we forget that verbal communication is not the only means of communication. Our non-verbal communication through our energy, presence and vibrations can be more powerful than our spoken words.
When we raise our vibrations and focus on helping others by sharing positivity, we are being of service. We become a channel of divine energy and we prevent absorption of low level energy and pain of others. If your words don’t work, be the example of light. Bring forth your highest presence and set the intention to send uplifting energy vibrations. As you share your energy, deeply connect your left eye with their left eye (the window to the soul) and send them healing energies and thoughts of love, light and strength.
When you are radiating positivity, and if the other person is open to receiving, they will subconsciously feel your positive vibrations and might be called to let go, heal or release the conversation. In the event they are so disconnected to their soul, and they are deep into the negative funk, follow the final last resort step.
5. Honor your truth.
If your silence, words and higher presence don’t work, and the negative energy becomes overwhelming, your final resort is to kindly excuse yourself from the conversation.
There are certain energies it behooves us to not be around. Listening to the discomfort means you are honoring your soul, listening to your body and listening to your truth. There is nothing wrong in walking away to protect your energy if you do so with the intent to continue to send peace, love and light from a distance. In our world, where the negative frame of mind is our default, there is no way to avoid gossip, debates, and problem-focused conversations (at least not yet). The intention is that once we all awaken, those conversations will no longer serve a purpose or resonate with our beings. Until then, shield your energy by raising your vibrations, tap into the universal energy flow of love and commit to sending those vibrations to everyone you encounter.
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