I remember attending my good friend’s wedding a few weeks after finalizing my divorce. I was 28, and many of my friends were in full-on wedding-planning mode. Going through a divorce was a challenging time in my life, but I'm grateful for the lessons and the journey.
If you’re smack in the middle of transition, separation or divorce, it would help to have someone who could guarantee that everything would work out. If only, we could all have an intuitive guide to guarantee that just around the corner were amazing relationships, peace and happiness. I knew there were new adventures waiting and wonderful people for me to meet. If there's one thing I learned, it’s that self-esteem must take charge during this time. If you have children, it's even more important that you take time for you and surround yourself with incredible people to lean on.
Here are six tips to help you during your transition:
1. Make time for you.
It’s vitally important that you have a self-care plan. When your body is chronically stressed, adrenal fatigue can kick in. Good nutrition, yoga, meditation and hikes will help you keep your center.
Regardless of what's going around you, holding on to anger will only impact your health negatively. Life is too short to give someone else power over your well-being. It’s often a first step to forgive someone mentally. Once you've mentally forgiven the person, you can work toward forgiving them in your heart. Journal about releasing anger and how you'll feel when you have emotional freedom from the situation.
3. Embrace change.
Yoga teaches us to flow through life and to learn to embrace change. I've truly learned to embrace flowing through life. Forcing situations and experiences always ends up causing stress, and in the long term, it won't fulfill you. On a daily basis, I ask myself how I can flow better through travels, experiences and life.
4. Connect with your passions.
The most painful part of my divorce wasn't the situation itself, but the realization that I had lost connection with myself and my passions. I was spending my time doing instead of feeling and kept myself busy around the clock. I was working full time, getting my MBA and running marathons. Anything to keep myself from feeling my emotions. Instead, I lived in my head and was busy being busy, which resulted in shutting down my emotions.
5. Meet with a financial adviser.
Going through a separation is an emotional ride, and shutting down completely may seem like the only way to survive. When you have moments of mental clarity, use this time wisely to get your affairs in order. Meet with a financial adviser to discuss your financial goals, including your plans for real estate and investing. Map out your net worth on paper. This is one of the first steps to getting clear on where you are today and where you intend to be a year from now.
6. Have an emotional outlet.
Taking care of your emotional health will serve you in so many ways. Be cautious not to project your stress and anger onto others and seek help for managing anger. This is a time to practice patience, which is by far the most challenging part of divorce. Once you decide to divorce, there would be nothing more wonderful than a quick close, but this is often not reality. Yoga, meditation, great nutrition and lots of time outdoors are helpful activities for inner peace. I found that taking some time off and downsizing my life to be very freeing. I took a trip to Europe, sold things that no longer served me and enjoyed living as lightly as possible. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, and practice being vulnerable and humble. It’s time to step up and ask for help. Ask friends for a great referral for a weekend retreat or wellness spa.
And remember in the grand scheme of things, this is one small step on your journey. Be cautious of how much negative energy you hemorrhage as it will indeed take a toll on your health.