When I do goal-coaching sessions, there are always a few questions that come up frequently. Because they're so common, and since many people don't have the benefit of a life coach, I compiled five questions that arise frequently. There isn't any one answer that will work for everyone, but I hope my answers are valuable, and that you can relate to them in some way.
1. I'm in a job I hate. How do I break free from this and have the courage to do what I'm passionate about?
The best thing to do when feeling “stuck” between the place you are and the place you want to be is to recognize you may still be in a learning phase. Part of building a bridge is to set yourself up for success in the long run. If the job you hate pays the bills while you fund your passion, you can turn to your job with appreciation. By thanking your job for funding your future, you can have more compassion for the moment. Also, know that there's timing to everything; you may think you should be in your new job and new life now, but the universe has a plan greater than yours. Trust the process and know that every day you are creating more of what you love. Keep following your heart and know you're right where you need to be.
2. I've done everything I thought I was supposed to do — I got a degree, got a great job, got married, and yet I feel empty and unhappy inside. I thought I wanted this. WTF?
The key word in your question is “supposed" to do. When we do what the world thinks we should do, or what we're “supposed” to do, we will always feel a sense of emptiness. This is because we are looking outside ourselves and trying to fit the world. I learned from working under the pressure of a corporate environment that trying to meet its demands can leave people exhausted and depressed. The turning point is for you to recognize that everything you've done in your life up until now has prepared you to be who you're really supposed to be. Instead of regretting the past or thinking that it's kept you from where you “ should be,” recognize that the emptiness goes away when we turn inward for our happiness instead of looking for happiness outside of ourselves.
3. I'm divorced and single, and now when I see engagement announcements, wedding pictures, and other professions of love, I feel extremely annoyed. How do you recommend I turn this into a more positive thought?
When we see others experiencing joy and we feel annoyed, it's because they have something we want but that we feel we “can’t have.” The annoyance and feelings of bitterness you feel stem from a place of feeling lonely or unworthy. Explore your insecurities to remove these emotions. One way to attract love into your life is to say to yourself each time you see others happy and in love, “That's on its way to me. The universe is showing me what's possible for me!” Instead of resenting other displays of affection, lean into them and share their joy!
4. I get excited about starting something new, but then I give up. How do I make myself follow through?
Making yourself do anything that feels like a chore will never serve you in the long run. The best thing to do is access “why” you started in the first place. Connect with the passion. Many times we give up too soon, or stop following through, because we lose sight of the why we started the journey which allows fear to step in. Sometimes we give up because it seems too hard to accomplish, or it will take too much time. To combat this, you can set tangible goals to help you reach your bigger goal. Do at least one thing every day that your future self will thank you for.
5. How do I find my passion when I don’t feel any?
A lot of the anxiety you feel right now is tied to the unknown future. This can prevent you from accessing joy and finding your passion. Set the intention to be open to learning more about yourself, and nourish the nudges. You'll get guidance from your heart on things to try and do. Allow yourself to be present in the process, and to be OK with not knowing. Everything will fall into place at the right time. Enjoy the journey, and know that every day you are learning more about yourself.
Goal setting is all about creating a life you're in love with. It’s not about being better or having more. Create a vision of your ideal life and set goals to get you there. I dare you to be awesome.
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