How To Avoid Drama (And Boredom) In Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships include experiences of both heaven and earth. That's to say, we take trips to heaven when we fly into the bliss of unconditional love. And we experience earth when we go about our day-to-day life, managing everything that comes our way, including challenges with our partners.
If we're being honest with ourselves, most of us would like to skip the whole earthbound part, and camp out in heavenly bliss until the end of time. However, living in the daily grind adds an important component to love; it's from this place that we have the opportunity to be real with each other and take strides toward growth.
As humans, we are complex beings. We all have a higher self, which is connected to the realm of spirit. This part of us has an innate capacity for magnificent things. In spirit and soul we feel deeply and profoundly inspired by life and each other.
We also have an imperfect self, the part of us that's flawed and makes mistakes. This aspect of us is equally beautiful, but in a different way. This is the part that's raw, vulnerable, and scared. The part that experiences grief and anger, and really wants to change for the better but feels its limitations in the world.
In life, we vacillate between these two experiences within ourselves. So it makes sense that we vacillate between these experiences in our relationships, too.
When you're in a state of unconditional love (meaning, you don't have expectations for how another person is), you're connected to a person's spirit. In your eyes, this person glows. This is what happens when we fall in love.
But as time moves forward and you build a relationship with someone, expectations and conditions come into the mix. This is normal. The flaws within us always resurface, especially in romantic love.
While, yes, heaven can seem more desirable than earth, it isn't the full picture of relationships. We are not complete without these two aspects of who we are, and neither are our relationships.
Vibrant, fulfilling love is the kind that moves and mingles back and forth, between heaven and earth. Rather than living solely in one state or the other, we must learn to navigate between the two.
This dance can feel difficult at times, but if we learn to appreciate it as the normal experience of love, then it can become intriguing, and even fun. Instead of seeking a state of perpetual heaven, we can appreciate it when it happens, while simultaneously seeing the beauty in the imperfections that arise in ourselves and each other. This is what real love is made of.
Sometimes we may feel overly inundated with either the feeling of heaven or earth. If this happens, we're likely to try to equalize by reaching for the opposite state.
For example, does your relationship ever feel heavy or routine? If it does, you are probably desiring more of that heaven feeling. Seek it out by initiating quality time with your partner, to reconnect to each other's hearts. Doing so will bring the spirit of your relationship back to life.
Are there ever times (most frequently at the beginning) when you feel overly flighty in love, and unable to function in other areas of life? While some of us may not want to make adjustments to this state of being, others may feel a little unhinged by the experience. If that's the case for you, then perhaps integrating structure and routine into your relationship will help ground you back to earth.
Since earth is the place we tend feel most bound to, we may have to put more effort into seeking out the feelings associated with heaven. We do so by simply connecting with love. Opening our hearts, dropping our expectations, dropping our conditions, being spontaneous, and letting love flow within us. Practicing this lightens our relationships from the inside out, rejuvenating them with blissful, heavenly feelings.
Keep in mind that good relationships include it all! While, yes, we would love to hang out in heaven most of the time, we actually live here on earth; we might as well see what lessons it has in store for us, while taking road trips up to that celestial place as much as we possibly can.
Please leave a comment below about your experience of heaven and earth in your relationships. I look forward to hearing from you.