For many years, I was a guarded chick. I always wore black, and although I blended right in with other NYC women, it also reflected my stoicism. I ran around with emotionally unavailable men so I wouldn’t have to be vulnerable and show my true colors.
Then I met a man who broke through my rough exterior. He cracked the code to my heart, then proceeded to break it when it became clear that he could not keep up with my own growth and evolution.
Post-breakup, I cut him off and proceeded on a journey to let go of him and that relationship.
For those of you on your own journey of letting go, here are some tips that have kept me sane; I hope they help you too.
1. Find the lesson.
Every person or situation, no matter how much they may break your heart or drive you crazy, is here to teach you something.
We are energy manifested in a physical form. Before we come into these bodies, we have an idea of the lessons we need to learn and who's going to teach us.
Instead of harping on why your relationship didn’t work out, be introspective and look at what that person was here to teach you. Your ex may be long gone, but the lesson remains and that lesson becomes a vital component to your growth and evolution going forward.
2. Put down the pint of ice cream and feel your feelings.
Given my history of emotional paralysis, crying is not one of my top 10 things to do. As a result, I have had my history of emotional eating. Let’s get real, letting go can be emotionally ridden. It’s a loss of former self and a person you may never see again. Let yourself grieve! Over time, if you're not releasing your emotions, they get repressed and can start to impact you physically, not ideal.
3. Be patient.
In Western society, where productivity and getting s**t done reigns supreme, there's often the mantra that we just need to “get over” stuff. Not in my book.
When we are growing, looking back on the past can be more disturbing and produces additional opportunities to let go some more. It can be frustrating (I thought I was over this!) but look at it as a way to take out your emotional trash and travel towards that next relationship sans extra baggage.
4. Ditch the girlie mags and go with your gut.
If you need to see you ex for closure/additional letting go, then do it. After 11 months of zero contact with my ex, I felt the need to reconnect. There are many mags out there that would say this was crazy or unnecessary. For me, I needed to see him again. I needed to see that he hadn’t changed a bit and that his emotional limitations and lack of desire to work on himself were still there.
Was it heartbreaking to see that he was exactly the same as I left him?
Did it provide additional opportunities to let go of him and what that relationship represented?
You betcha! By doing so, I create more space for the next dude who meets me where I am in my evolutionary process to walk through the door. Woo-hoo!
5. Embrace your manifestation mojo.
Set your intentions for the future. Get clear on what you want from the next guy. Look at what didn’t work in your past relationship and set the intention to find a guy is capable of giving you what that last relationship did not.
What you might be saying now: My ex-boyfriend was emotionally unavailable and drank all the time instead of dealing with his emotions.
Intention: I am with a guy who has the self-awareness and perseverance to work on himself. He is open to energy, consciousness and meditation.
See the difference? Now you try!
The bottom line, ladies, is that breaking up and letting go is an ongoing process, but I hope these tactics help you find ease wherever you are in your journey.
Give me a shout here and let me know which one of these tactics resonated with you, or other ways you're finding ease in your process of letting go!