At some point, everyone has experienced a broken heart. The cheating spouse or deceiving romantic partner leaves us with a sense of betrayal we don’t think we’ll ever recover from, so we declare, “I’ll never trust anyone again!” However, after time passes, you want to reach out again. You want a new partner, but how can you move forward knowing what happened in the past?
Trusting others begins with trusting yourself; start by becoming aware of your intuition. Yes, you have an unconscious knowledge, a place where you know without knowing how you know. Whether you realize it or not, you make unconscious evaluations everyday without relying on logic or reasoning.
If someone is staring at you from across the room, you feel it before you even turn to see who it is. You instinctively respond to drivers swerving towards your lane. You read people’s faces to determine their mood or reactions. Every moment of every day, your intuition feeds you information about what is going on around you with greater speed and more accuracy than conscious thought.
Applying your intuition to future relationships, begin by doing a simple “postmortem” on the event that broke your heart. Look back carefully at the details and specifics of the event, and how it played out. Did you say to yourself later, “Unconsciously, I guess I knew.” Then, at some level, you did know, your brain just didn’t want to accept that information.
With our intimate partners, our minds edit out unusual behaviors and miss details. We consciously see things as we always have. Our minds like order. Eventually, when things are wrong, there's a tipping point at which one tiny detail, one revelation, uncovers the full picture of betrayal, and we feel crushed. As painful as that experience is, it brings your awareness to the surface and allows you to learn to trust again.
You acutely know when things aren't right, which also means you know when things are OK. You actually know when someone can be trusted! As Gavin De Becker points out in his book The Gift of Fear, “Predicting the routine behavior of adults in the same culture is so simple, in fact, that we rarely even bother to do it consciously. We react only to the unusual, which is a signal that there may be something worth predicting.”
Intuition can always be trusted when your judgement is clear, and it's not just one too many glasses of wine that impairs your judgement. The overly attractive, or lavishly spending date can blind you to signs that you need to see. The initial infatuation with a new person can impair your intuitive gift. Always give yourself time to view the whole picture.
Your present and your future are not your past. As you learn to trust yourself through your deepest knowing, your intuition, you can begin to trust others because you do know.