When one of my closest friends started dating her now-husband 15 years ago, we quickly began referring to him as a "he-she." No, he didn't have both male and female genitals, but he was both masculine in terms of his sexual orientation (heterosexual) and he was emotionally intelligent and available. But while he was solid in his masculinity, she wore the pants in the relationship.
She found herself wishing that he'd stand up to her more often, be more decisive, and assert his opinions with greater conviction.
"I wish he would be more of an Alpha male," she would say.
For some reason, many of the women who find their way to my work are with the softer, gentler type of man, the antithesis of the Alpha male. And they're struggling because, as much as they love the gentleness and care of their partner, they're also wishing that he were more extroverted, socially fluent, witty, and outwardly confident. (Many He-Shes are very secure inside but, because they're often more introverted, their confidence doesn't always register on the scale of the extrovert ideal on which our culture weighs social fluidity.)
If you're partnered with a more gentle man, it may be helpful for you to identify who he is instead of focusing on who he isn't.
Characteristics of a He-She: