How can I truly live with ease? How long must I wait until I’m able to transcend being human? I’m constantly waffling between two worlds: one riddled by time, filled with unfair expectations and a desire to control the unknown; one with no concept of time, without any expectations, and an almost giddy excitement over not knowing what the future holds. I dance across the line dividing each world, unable to truly find where I belong, to keep myself beholden to the one I wish to inhabit.
One day it’s “I’ll be satisfied when...” And on another it’s “I’m content now.” One day is lived with ease, another with unrest. But why? It can’t all be chalked up to hormones, and it doesn’t always pertain to external circumstances. It’s just the affect on that day.
I’m deeply fascinated by this, as I find many others can relate. I feel strongly that it's within most people’s power to choose their thoughts and alter their moods. Most of us meander about our days without taking time to recognize what we’re thinking and how it’s affecting us, but nonetheless, I believe we’re all capable. It begins with the simple choice to be aware.
What changes day to day is the difficulty in making that choice. Choosing gratitude, happiness and acceptance, rather than complaint, disappointment and resistance, is as easy as the situation allows it to be. Simple awareness isn't enough; it’s a crucial step in moving past old patterns, and stopping a negative cycle before it goes awry, but it’s not enough. We must take it one step further and alter the trajectory of our attitudes and energy states, so that we may actually attract what we truly want.
We dismiss the notion that we are responsible for nearly everything that happens to us, from the phenomenally good to the painfully bad. It begins within. The mood sets the tone, thoughts turn into emotions, emotions lead to bodily reactions, which lead to action or inaction, which then leads to karmic retribution.
So why ruin a perfectly good day with bad thoughts? Fear. When entranced by the sinister call of fear, it's impossible to live with ease. It's increasingly difficult to shine the light of awareness and love over such penetrating darkness. It's all-encompassing, consuming hope and optimism like a vicious black hole. Then more impatience kicks in. When will this feeling subside? We pinpoint dates and times to pencil in happiness, a bubble where we grant permission to let go of stress, to let a little fun and ease in.
What we need is to live this way every day, to remember the rat race perpetuated by some circles in society exists entirely outside of ourselves and has no bearing on our choices or on our dreams. We can live happily and pursue them just the same. Everything is changing, and yet remains the same. We feel the same pangs of self defeat, those fears of failure, those worries of when we’ll feel like enough throughout each generation, no matter the month, no matter the decade.
We can be aware and accept those bad days and negative thoughts knowing they will pass, remembering change is constant and the only thing keeping us in the cycle, or making is worse, is our attachment. Thoughts are fleeting and they only have to consume our energy and have an effect on our future if we allow it. The choice lies in tackling the fear or negativity head on, and making the conscious decision to let it move through us.
We must place a barricade over those conditioned responses, to those hypothetical pressures and unreasonably high standards. We begin to live with ease when we finally see ourselves as whole, as enough, as if we’ve already arrived at our destination. External pursuits are mere bonuses, personal adventures where we enthusiastically try our hands at this and that, whatever tickles our fancy.
There’s no worry of not measuring up to another, not pleasing or impressing the masses. We live from joy and pursue passion because life is a thrill ride meant to be experienced — not witnessed, not imagined, not hoped for, but actually lived. Being grateful to be alive and remembering it takes far less effort to be ourselves than anyone else will set each day off with ease, allowing the adventure of life to unfold without need to compare, expect or control. Fluidity and grace in motion.