How To Start Over When Everything Falls Apart
It’s happened to the best of us: You don’t get the job. That cutie doesn’t return your text. The new product you thought would fly off the shelves is gathering dust.
Does it suck?
Yes. Can you get over it? Abso-freakin-lutely.
Here are four proven ways to move past the hurt and back towards the light.
1. Know that everything happens for a reason.
This might sound like a cliche trotted out by well-meaning relatives, but it’s a really useful framework for life. Really. Remember that nothing has meaning besides the meaning you give it. Let me say that again: nothing has meaning besides the meaning you give it. It’s up to you to assign either an empowering meaning or a disempowering meaning to this experience. If you go through life knowing that every problem is serving a greater purpose and believing that each challenge makes you stronger and smarter – you’re going to look for and find an empowering lesson in every situation.
2. Acknowledge that “pain is inevitable – suffering is optional.” (Marie Forleo)
I know you think that the pain will last forever. (We all think that.) But nothing lasts forever, including pain. Pain only lasts if you resist it OR if you dramatize it by telling yourself the same old “I’m a victim” story again and again. Allow yourself to feel the pain without immersing yourself in the mental drama about “what it means.”
Don’t allow yourself to get lost in “Why did this happen to me?” All of that rubbish is a story you’re telling yourself that isn’t actually true. If you just experience the physical pain without going into the mental drama, it’ll be over before you know it. So go ahead and feel the pain in your body. Maybe its a tightness in the chest or a piercing headache. If you just experience the physical sensations the pain will be short lived. Promise.
3. Stay in this moment.
A lot of what’s holding you back right now is anxiety about the future or regrets about the past. If you really break it down, the future and the past are just mental concepts. (Echart Tolle) The only thing that really exists is right now is this current moment. If you really want to get yourself back on track, master living in the moment.
Truth? You’re capable of handling anything that happens right now, in this moment. Staying in the now means giving your full attention and focus to this moment, whatever is happening right now. Ask yourself “Can I handle what’s happening right this minute?” Is your heart beating right now? Yes. Are you breathing right now? Yes? Perfect. Then you’ve handled this moment. Now that moment is over and you’re in a new moment.
Play this game long enough and you’ll become totally engaged in your real life instead of your thoughts about your life.
4. Do the basics one day at a time.
Good stuff begets more good stuff. Activity begets activity. The key to building momentum and getting back on track is to take everything one day at a time.
What are your basics? Eat really good food today. Exercise your body today. Do what needs to be done today.
Don’t feel like doing anything? Then you really need to do something.
How many times do you put off going to the gym, and then you go and you’re so, so glad you did? The same holds true for most things in life. Don’t worry about the whole week, or the rest of your life. Think about today.
And that, people, is that. You’re pretty much unstoppable now, aren’t you?