How I Learned To Manage My Crippling Fear
I had a nice run-in with fear this past week. It all started at a routine doctor's appointment. Things were going well, but then energy in the room dropped. She paused with her hands on my belly and said, "That's funny. I can feel your pulse on the right side of your abdomen, but not on the left."
In the past, I would have collapsed in this moment.
For me, health scares trigger a cellular memory of repeated, long journeys riddled with blood tests, tissue samples, emotional agony, family distress, surgery and painful recovery processes that followed a moment just like the one I described above. That moment used to define the beginning of my submission to fear, the beginning of the cancer process.
This time, though, I used every ounce of knowledge, wisdom, and faith I had to manage my fear. I didn't rid myself of fear, nor did I attempt to control it. I managed it. I chose to empower myself, and use my fear as fuel for change.
Here's what I did:
1. I assembled a team.
I immediately contacted all four of my healers (energy healers, intuitives, and an astrologer). I told them exactly what was going on, and asked for emotional and spiritual support. I knew they'd be able to help me understand the psychosomatic, spiritual and emotional messages my body was giving me.
2. I spoke to my fear.
As I drove home from my appointment, I said out loud, "Ok, I am totally freaking out. This could be anything from constipation to appendicitis to ovarian cancer. Oh my GOD! I'm totally freaking out! *deep breath* But... Even though I'm freaking out, I choose NOT to disempower or sabotage myself. I am NOT submitting to my fear, NOT this time."
3. I gave myself a break, and didn't self judge.
Not long ago, I would have tried to control my fear with denial. This time, I let myself feel my fear freely. I acknowledged it, then gave myself a break for being so freaked out. I said to myself — as I would to my child — tenderly and with love, "It's OK to be scared. It's OK to be freaked out. You've been through so much, of course you would have this kind of reaction. It's OK."
I also didn't beat myself up when I caught myself stress eating, when I noticed my normal laundry pile had turned into a "situation", when I realized I had gone to sleep one night before saying goodnight to my kids (it was 6PM!). These things happen when you're scared and stressed out. My mantra was, "It's OK. You're still a good person. I love you."
4. I reached out for support.
This was particularly difficult. In the past, I didn't complain or ask for support, because I had a long standing belief that I was a burden to those around me, my family in particular. For years, I felt immense guilt for having had to rely on them for weeks and months of support. I was also very secretive, never revealing the existence or extent of the illnesses and medical procedures I endured.
But this time I was ready to break that unhealthy thought pattern. More importantly, I was ready to ask for what I needed. So, with a shaking hand, an unnecessary amount of sweat, and a racing heart, I texted my neighbor, and asked if I could confide in her.
5. I practiced relaxation techniques.
During the week, I had trouble sleeping; the fear would creep in and paint terrible pictures of illness, loss, painful surgery and emotional turmoil. In these moments, I used EFT (tapping) and alternate nostril breathing (Nadi Shodhan Pranayama). These two techniques are powerful for two reasons: 1) They helped my body relax, and 2) They helped me move through held emotions.
When I gave myself permission to acknowledge and feel my fear, to ask for what I needed, and to accept support from others and from myself, amazing things started happening! My fear dissipated, my intuition began to flow freely and give me guidance, my physical pain lessened, I made a new friend, moved through some major emotional blocks, and found peaceful sleep. I made it through!
As expected, my scans all came back clear, my pain is now completely gone, and I feel fabulous! I feel empowered, and I feel free.
What do you do to manage your fear? Perhaps some of these techniques can help you the next time you are triggered.