This article is for all the women (or men) out there who fall into the trap of over-giving to your partner (you know who you are). Lots of us do it, but we don't necessarily know why.
Maybe you find yourself chasing men, or you're overly nice (and it's not authentic), or you do majority of the work in the relationship. All the above scenarios would be classified as over-giving in a relationship.
Essentially, the general feeling of the over-giver is that you do too much and receive too little in return. If you identify with this dynamic, then I have some surprising news for you. This approach turns your man (or woman) off!
I know, I know, we're taught to believe it's just the opposite; that if we're nice, good girls, everyone will be happy. You can still be nice and good, but if you're over-functioning, the truth is that you're probably sabotaging the whole deal. Here's why:
Within a relationship, there's one person who holds the majority of the masculine energy, and another person who holds majority of the feminine energy. These poles create an attractive charge between you and your sweetie. The farther the poles are from each other — the more feminine and more masculine the energy — the stronger the charge.
For those of you who identify with the feminine in the relationship, it's important to know that this energy is about being receptive! This means the feminine is happiest when she is leaning back and receiving (wouldn't you agree?). And, this also means that the masculine is happiest when he is moving forward. The masculine likes to move towards the feminine! But…
Guess what? As an over-giver, you're taking on the masculine energy in the relationship!
Over-giving creates a constant flow of forward-moving masculine energy toward another person. By over-providing, you're not leaving room for your man to move forward. What you're actually doing, unfortunately, is pushing him away.
All that forward energy can make him a little uncomfortable so he backs off into a more feminine, receptive mode. How about that for sabotage?!
This dynamic isn't fun for relationships. While we all have both energies within us, the masculine wants to be primarily masculine, and the feminine wants to be primarily feminine. This feels much better for everyone involved.
So, if you're the feminine and you find yourself in this mode, what can you do? Take a step back and allow yourself to receive — it sounds easier than it is. Both you and your masculine partner will be much happier as a result.
Please leave a comment below about your experience with over-giving. I look forward to hearing from you!
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