Why Your Ego Doesn't Need To Be Controlled
From the minute my feet hit the ground in the morning, I take three deep breaths and say out loud, “What would love do today?” It reminds me to come from a place of love in every activity and every encounter!
Here's my secret, though: I wasn’t always this way, and believe me, I wasn't as kind to myself years ago.
I remember waking up disliking who I was, believing it was just another day I had to put my game face on and to go into this world. I remember knowing that I was avoiding listening to my internal calling, and I did everything I could to distract myself from listening to it.
I once believed that the key to happiness, enlightenment and clear intuition was to rid myself of my ego. I was convinced that my desire for recognition, love or opportunities indicated that I was a terrible, selfish person. Whenever I let myself get angry, I would feel horribly guilty for being “in my ego.” When I felt hurt and acted defensively, I would berate myself because I felt the problem was my ego taking offense at what someone else said or did. I blamed my ego for my misery, but trying to shut down my ego was making me even more distressed and unhappy than I’d ever been.
Finally, one day in my late teens I was so despondent about the power my ego had over me that I broke down and sobbed. I asked the divine why I was having so much trouble with this seemingly impossible task of achieving enlightenment and freedom from ego.
Then, in a flash, a realization came over me. Eradicating my ego was an egotistical desire! If the divine had created me and my ego, why was I questioning the value of what the Divine had created? There had to be a reason I had an ego — that is, a sense of myself as a separate individual. Why was the ego a problem? And what was its true purpose?
I set out to discover the answers. After years of coaching, guiding, and advising people from all walks of life, including professional intuitives, children with intuitive gifts, and the dying, I’ve come to believe that our mistake is in thinking that the ego is bad and needs to be repressed or destroyed if we’re to be good people. That belief is actually making it harder for everyone who holds it to balance his or her ego.
If we can understand how the ego works and its purpose, then we can use it to find a sense of fulfillment without becoming egotistical and narcissistic or insecure and timid. We can express ourselves freely and fully, and make daring choices. We don’t have to worry about whether others approve of us, and we don’t have to trample over others’ feelings to get what we want. We understand and truly accept that loving our egos serves ourselves and the people around us.
I found that when I decided to love myself “fully and wholly,” I started to balance my ego voice and in turn would be able to clearly hear and understand what my intuition was saying to me. It was like I found the golden ticket. I started to be able to handle these not-so-nice thoughts from my ego and realized it was just my fear of not fully loving myself and receiving love and acceptance from others.
When I honored my fearful thoughts and said to myself, “This is just a fearful thought and it’s okay to be scared” I found my intuition would come through like a lightning bolt of clarity, and I received a solution for an outcome that would be proactive and healthy for myself and others involved in my fear. I started to understand that by showing my ego love and kindness, I could balance my it.
So I open this invitation to you in a simple and easy way: ask yourself in the morning before your feet hit the ground, “What would love do today?” That means you start your day with the intent that you will show love and compassion to yourself and others. The best part of it all is that it will keep your ego balanced so you can clearly hear your intuition!
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