The 4 Inner Monologues Holding You Back From Epic Sex

Do you long to experience earth-shattering soulful sex with your partner but often find yourself feeling disconnected and disappointed? You might be sabotaging your sexytime by coming up against one of these four common mindset blocks—all of which are pretty much guaranteed to keep your boudoir activities stuck in "meh" rather than mind-blowing.

With traditional and social media chock-full of images of (so-called) "perfect" bodies, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself and feeling like you don’t measure up. But let me tell you, dear one, that’s the fastest route to a lackluster love session. Great sex requires you to be in the moment, and if you’re worrying that your tummy roll is showing or that your boobs are too small, you are never going to be able to surrender to the deliciousness of the present moment.

To zoom yourself back into the present, try tuning out the voice of your inner critic. I like to think of my inner critic as my inner "mean girl" (or "bad boy" if you’re a guy) that’s taken up residence inside my head. I wouldn’t give the time of day to a schoolyard bully, so why would I let my mind’s own inner mean girl run the show?!

Boundaries are an essential part of a healthy sex life. Having your own personal rules about what is and isn’t acceptable allows you to relax and feel safe because you’ve proactively laid the guidelines for how people should interact with and treat you.

You can have boundaries around any and all aspects of sex, and only YOU can decide what feels right for you. For instance, you might have boundaries around using contraception or how soon in a relationship you’ll become intimate with someone or what positions you are and aren’t cool with.

"First we’ll kiss for a bit, then he’ll throw me on the bed, then he’ll touch my whole body, then he’ll get on top, then we’ll swap, and we’ll have the most beautiful lovemaking session of our life..."

Sound familiar? I’ll admit it. I used to walk into every sexual encounter with a mental list of expectations of how I wanted our lovemaking to unfold, just like this one. When it didn’t go that way, I would roll over disappointed, annoyed, and unsatisfied. The guy would turn to me and say, "Everything OK?" to which I would curtly reply, "Yep, fine!" which was a big fat lie.

At the time, I didn't realize that these expectations were closing me off to incredible possibilities in the moment. My partner and I had no chance to "make magic" while making love because I was too busy making sure all the boxes were ticked.

If you can relate, it’s time to do some serious dabbling in the art of surrender. Release your expectations and focus on connection, alignment, and presence. Get vulnerable with your partner and practice what I like to call CCC—crystal-clear communication—so that you can get on the same page, align your souls, and experience electric unity. You’ll be blown away by how delicious sex can be when you open wide to the possibilities.