The 3-Step Process To Quit Your Bad Habits & Replace With Better Ones

I often hear clients confuse habits and goals, often using both words to mean the same thing. They are different, and the quicker we understand the difference, the closer we get to fulfilling our intentions. Habits should support our goals, but ultimately we need to think of habits as the way to reach a certain overarching goal. For example, wanting to be healthy is a goal—not a habit. But there are tons of habits we can choose to support that goal such as stocking our fridge with colorful, fresh produce prepped in glass containers. This habit of prepping choices to make healthy meals easier to achieve supports the goal of a healthier lifestyle. 

Why do semantics matter? It's important to differentiate these two meanings so the brain can celebrate smaller wins. These small wins, aka positive habits, increase confidence and happiness hormones, which help us achieve our goals with greater ease. 

This being the end of January, New Year's resolutions seem like an afterthought. The reason they often don't stick is because we list lofty goals without actually breaking down how to achieve those goals with manageable habits day to day.

Make a list of the following:

What sort of habits do you have? Think about things you do every day. It may take more time than you think to do this since habits can be so ingrained in our routine that you may not easily recall even doing them.

What do you do right when you wake up? After that? Do you eat the same thing for breakfast every day? That's a habit, too! Take inventory of your habits, and list them according to the time of day.

Once you feel the list is complete, color-code it. With a blue pen circle the good habits that you want to keep. With a red pen, circle the ones you want to change. Make a separate list of the ones you want to change, with each habit on its own line. Beside that habit, write down a habit you want to replace it with.

Quit one bad habit by taking away a cue and its reward—and have a replacement ready. For example, if you have a habit of watching TV until you fall asleep but it's impairing your sleep quality, put the remote in the bathroom before you get into bed (take away the cue). Put a good book by your bed instead (replacement). You're less likely to watch TV if it requires extra effort to get the remote and you have a good book to read next to you instead. Leave all electronics out of reach. You'll sleep better and wake up more refreshed (reward).

List five bad habits you want to change. Which cue will you take away, and what will you replace it with?

Often the cue that you think is triggering the habit isn't as simple as you imagine it to be. A good way to filter through all the complexity is to write down details about a particular habit you're trying to change. What are you feeling at that moment? Where are you? Who's around you? What time is it? What else do you notice? Take notes every day in a separate notebook, and you'll start to see patterns. These clues will lead you to expose the cues that are spurring the habitual behavior. Once you've established this, you can plan to replace the cue with something else that will lead to a positive reward.