Is Pornography Healthy For Women?

With more people viewing pornographic content than ever before, it’s easy to become complacent about how it affects intimacy and relationships. After all, if so many people are watching it, it can’t be that bad, right? Well, that depends.

It is possible that an activity like watching porn can be a healthy part of a sexual relationship. If you’re OK with your partner’s consumption, or if you enjoy the occasional video yourself—whether alone or with your partner—by all means, go for it.

The problem, of course, is that pornography can cause harm. As well as being addictive and isolating, a growing number of experts are concerned that watching porn can warp people’s idea of healthy sexual expression. They point to the fact that the sex depicted is often performative and not reflective of an equal relationship, that female pleasure is secondary (if it’s considered at all), and that the female participants are frequently subjected to violent and degrading behavior.

Many women also report feeling insecure knowing that their partner watches porn. They worry that their partner will compare their body and ‘performance’ unfavorably with what they’ve seen online, or that their partner will expect them to engage in sex acts that they’re not comfortable with after having seen them on screen.

Because it’s such a polarizing issue, this is an important conversation to have in order to set boundaries around what you both consider appropriate and acceptable. Ideally, have this conversation early on, but it’s never too late to dig deep and share your truth.

Begin the conversation from a place of love, softness, and openness, and avoid ambushing your partner—that’s unlikely to lead to anything but a fight. Instead, speak from your heart about your concerns, and practice clear communication.

If you and your partner enjoy the excitement of porn but want to consume it in an empowered way, there are ways to upgrade your viewing habits. Many pornographic websites include a category called "female-friendly," which may provide a healthier alternative to mainstream porn (although when you realize what that name says about all the other categories, it can make your head spin!).

This might be the most important tip of all: Age-appropriate conversations about sex are incredibly important. Though they might be uncomfortable at first, if you as a parent aren’t having those kinds of chats, your kids will look elsewhere for information—and unfortunately, porn is always there to fill the void. And whatever role porn has in a consenting-adult relationship, I think we can all agree that it is not a good educational tool for young, impressionable minds.

Again, speaking from your heart is incredibly important here—open wide, be vulnerable, and practice clear communication. And if you’d like to supplement your conversations with responsible and empowering resources, try this awesome video about consent or this helpful list of books for kids, which you can search by age group.

Getting on the same page as your partner can take some work, especially with a tricky issue like this one. But once you do, trust me: It's one of the most fulfilling things you can do for your relationship.