Keeping Secrets Can Hurt Your Mental Health, But Here's How To Stop It

Keeping secrets can be stressful. You worry about someone finding out or what people might think of you. Oftentimes, you can't stop thinking about that one thing you haven't told anyone. Well, according to new research, it may have to do with shame.

A new study in the American Psychological Association found that when people felt shame about a secret, they were more likely to ruminate over it compared to someone who felt guilty about their secret.

The researchers asked 1,000 people about their secrets and whether they felt more shame or guilt about surrounding them as well as how many times they thought about it and kept it hidden in the previous month.

Those that reported feeling shameful responded "yes" to statements like "I am worthless" whereas those that reported feeling guilt responded "yes" to statements like "I regret something I have done."

They found that those who felt more shame were more likely to think about their secret than those who felt guilty. While both emotions primarily affect how we feel about ourselves, the researchers suggest that this discrepancy between the two could have to do with the fact that while guilt is uncomfortable, it encourages people to take action, where shame can feel like a hopeless dead end.

"Guilt focuses people on what to do next, and so shifting away from shame toward guilt should help people better cope with their secrets and move forward," said Michael L. Slepian, Ph.D., of Columbia University and lead author of the study in a statement.

When you start to pick apart your shame, you may find it tells you things like you have no value, your voice is not relevant, something is wrong with you, or you're inherently bad. You can counter these negative statements with positive affirmations such as "I love and approve of myself."