After the workshop it was time to go back to the life I live, and all the chaos that comes with it, and I had a thought that terrified me. Is it possible to manifest the bad without meaning to?
I’ve been in this beautiful relationship for 9 months now. And sadly my boyfriend is a fisherman, and so he has spent the past 11 weeks up in Alaska with two more to go. The long distance is hard, ugly, depressing, a chance to learn and grow, and all the rest that comes with it. But in the last two weeks, it seems harder than ever, he seems farther away. And I carry around this thought, this fear that he and I won’t love each other more or even the same amount when he returns home.
Is it possible to manifest away the most amazing individual in my life, because this fear consumes my thoughts?
What are your thoughts on negative manifestation?
Thanks, K in Seattle
When I was a kid I was pretty sure that God hated me. I thought I'd manifested my dad’s death. Obviously I didn’t know the word “manifesting” back then, but I knew that something I did or said or thought had caused this rupture in the world as I knew it. Not only was I at fault, but apparently I was very powerful.
I even told people God hates me.
Things would happen and it would be proof. See? God hates me. I might as well have said I manifested this because that's essentially what I believed at that time.
We had this dog named Baby when I was 12. She looked like an underfed golden retriever with a little Doberman Pincher, but no one knew for sure. We’d gotten her at the pound and I loved her.
I vowed to never do or think or say anything to make something bad happen to Baby. She was kind of wild, and we lived in a condo. So when the front gate opened, we’d have to make sure our door was closed so Baby wouldn’t run out into the street.
One afternoon my friend and I were playing at my house. My friend (let's call her G) opened the door and the front gate and Baby darted out and was hit by a car.
I did it again.
I never forgave G or myself. I cried more than I’d cried when my father had died a few years before and I was sure this latest “negative manifestation” was a result of God’s hating me and something I did or said or thought.
I am not that powerful. Neither are you.
Of course you can make a few changes and create the life you want. But does that mean shitty things won’t happen to you? Nope. They might. Or they might not.
Does that mean if someone gets raped they manifested it? Nope. Never.
If someone dies, did you cause it with your thoughts? Nope.
If your nephew gets a rare genetic disorder, is it because God hates you? Sorry, no.
Our thoughts are powerful, but they are just thoughts. They aren’t potent enough to kill your father or your dog Baby or your make your boyfriend leave you.
Does this mean it's fine to indulge in negative thinking? Nope.
I don’t even know what “negative” and “positive” mean anymore. I like authentic.
Sometimes our thoughts make us act a little crazy. Here’s an example. You think your man is cheating so you act suspicious and then he gets so sick of it, he finally thinks, I might as well cheat since you think it anyway.
Or you create such a chasm in the relationship by not being authentic that two people who fell in love with each other are no longer in love because those people are nowhere to be found.
You can make yourself sick with worry over this relationship.
Fear is the beast. Fear is out there with a hatchet. Fear is a mother*cker. Fear is most likely the greatest obstacle to living our best lives. At least it is for me.
But here's the kicker: Your heart doesn’t know that it’s a lie. It doesn’t know a lie from the truth most days. It only knows the rush of blood and the thump of what if.
So when fear starts to tap on the window and you see that it has the hatchet, say this little mantra out loud so it can hear you: You are not real.
Is your fear real? Most likely no. You know what else? You may not love each other the same when your boyfriend returns from Alaska.
Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? This is how it is. When I get back from my trip, even from Seattle yesterday, my husband and I are on fire. We’ve missed each other so much and life is good and then he gets annoyed at my mess and I get irritated that he's talking too slow or too quiet or whatever, but life is back to normal. It always evens out. It will never, ever be just one way or always the same.
You can count on that.
This is precisely what I struggle with having lost my father so young. I want a guarantee that things will always be the same and that you will never go or leave me. But no matter what thoughts I think I can’t change that. I am not powerful enough with simply my thoughts to crack the earth or to make someone fall in or out of love with me. I am not powerful enough to keep a relationship just one way.
But what we are both powerful enough to do is to create change by how we behave. So yes, if we act needy or mopey or fearful all the time, at some point, someone may actually say I don’t like you right now.
So if I think this, then I act this way, and if I act this way then this will happen? Nope.
It’s a matter of living authentically. Not positively. Not negatively. Authentically. From the place of what you know to be true. Not from the place of fear or worry or what if.
So stop worrying so much.
When he gets off that boat from Alaska, no matter how dirty or fishy he smells, look him in the eye and say I love you. I’ve missed you, if that is the truth.
And then take care of business, if you know what I mean.
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