3 Surefire Ways To Send Your Lover Running For The Hills

So what is it about that person who always lands someone? You know who I’m talking about. 

Every guy you know thinks she’s cool/smart/funny.   
Women get giddy round him.   
Conversations stall when she walks into a room. 
 
What do they know that the rest of us don’t? 
 
It’s not about what he or she has – so much as what they don’t have.   
 
It’s pretty likely that people are enamoured not only because of the things that this person does, but because of the things that they don’t do
 
And I can guarantee you that this superhuman does not exhibit any of these three traits: 
 
1. Neediness

Ahh. The mother of all un-sexiness. 

Sometimes (and this has probably happened to the best of us) we might believe a relationship will solve our problems. 

The people in your life will smell this desperation a mile away. 

And desperation?  
It’s not a good look on anyone.  
When you’re carrying around the (totally false) idea that you need someone to be complete, you’re giving away your power. 
 
Pause right there. 

Think about it: When you place your happiness in the hands of another individual, you’re at their mercy. Are you willing to gamble your well-being on someone else’s actions or inactions? 

Besides, consider all the unnecessary pressure it puts on him or her! The pressure to live up to your expectations of the perfect mate will be exhausting a sure-fire way to encite disinterest. 
 
Want to reclaim your power?  
Brilliant.  
Start by putting the kibosh on these actions: 

1. Needing their approval of how you look 
2. Incessant emailing, texting and phone calling. (Not to mention obsessive checking of your own email or voicemail–mmmhmm….we’ve all done it…) 
3. Insisting you know where they are, was, and will be 24-7. 
4. Too many whiny “I miss you’s” 
 
2. Insecurity

The #2 way to send your lover running for the hills. 

It sounds like this: 

“Do you still love me as much as before?” 
“Do you think I look good in this?”  
“Am I good looking enough for you?” 
 
Insecurity is rooted in another false idea – the idea that you are somehow not adequate. You’re only human and self-doubt is a very real emotion that we all feel from time to time. 

Totally normal. 
 
However, staying stuck and investing in the idea that you are “less than” is a slippery slope. The key to being desirable is to allow yourself to have the feelings of insecurity but not indulge in them! (Easier said than done. I know. But practice makes perfect, so give ‘er a shot.) 

Simply notice when those feeling come up and reflect…. 

Hmph.  There is that thought again. Interesting

…and then redirect your attention to what you’re doing in at the moment.   

Imagine sitting by a babbling brook and noticing how the leaves glide across the surface of the water past you. Think of your insecure thoughts as those leaves. 

You always have a choice. 
You can either invest in your insecurity or your sexy. 
You decide. 
 
3. Overly critical of others.  

Let’s get straight to the point, shall we? It is flat-out ugly when you are outwardly critical.  Imagine this:  A beautiful woman walks into the room and your perfectly pleasant conversation with your sweetie quickly spirals into a sarcastic, snarkfest of gnarly criticism. 
 
Why do we find it so difficult to compliment a stranger? (Especially, in the presence of our honey?) 
Answer: Yup, you guessed it: False ideas. 
Somewhere we believe that by tearing other people down, our partners will not notice their attractiveness. 
 
Reality Check: Your partner probably noticed that hottie 10 seconds before you did so it’s a waste of time. Not to mention that being critical paints you as jealous, insecure really, and kinda mean. 

And who wants to be that person? 
 
Take notice of your energy level after such a barrage….does it feel heavy or light airy? Energetically, you will recognize that the ill-will is draining. On you your partner. 
 
Personally whenever I see a hot, sassy mama I say to myself “You go, girl.”  I’ve even been known to call my boyfriend’s attention to her killer shoes, stylish dress or confident ways. This way we both get to enjoy her shine, and it fosters open dialogue between us. (Never a bad thing.) 
 
I will often stop a woman and tell her she looks great in her dress, or that her hair looks awesome and ask where she gets it cut. The appreciation and gratitude bestowed on me are rewarding and she walks away feeling just a little more shiny than before. Win-Win. 
 
Let’s talk about how to amp up your sexy instead! 

1. Take stock of how often you check your text/email out of a sense of desperation. 

This is your one and only life! Slide back into the driver’s seat and reevaluate a better use of your energy. What is an action you can take right now that will focus your attention on your overall well-being happiness? Yoga at lunch? Manicure with a girlfriend after work? Perhaps making that long put off phone call to your local graduate school or headhunter. 

2. Feeling insecure because you don’t fit in your  jeans from 11 years ago? Get. rid. of. them. 

Honestly, how realistic is it that you’ll be that size again….have you considered that it’s cruel to keep them in your closet?  That you are dismissing your present-day deliciousness? I am not suggesting that you pack on the pounds on and ignore your health. I’m encouraging you to honor dare I say…celebrate your current figure. 

Toss the jeans. 

Seriously. 
 
3. When you see a hottie, and catch yourself feeling insecure and/or being critical, silently take notice of what you admire about that person. Say “good on them.” And if you’re feeling real bold and saucy, get their attention and give them the gift of a compliment. 
 
The universe loves that stuff!  

I bet a compliment is already on its way to you. 

Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

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To learn more about how to have a great relationship, check out our video course How To Have The Greatest Relationship Of Your Life.
About the Author

Dr. Danielle Dowling is a life coach and psychologist. She's an intuitive strategist working with women leaders who are ready to stop compromising on the things that matter most — self-realization, soulful companionship and accessing innate power. Her goal is to motivate women to live inspiring lives; to help them experience a life better lived and to help women achieve their dreams whatever they may be. Connect with Danielle on Twitter and Pinterest. Ready to step up your game? Hire her. You won't regret it.

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