It Ain't Personal: 5 Tips to Help You Deal with the Actions of Others
You are the universe; but the universe does not revolve around you. It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Live your life; let others live theirs. Unfortunately, some people along the way will take things personally—as if your actions are in direct response to them. Newsflash to Person B: You are not the epicenter of Person A’s existence. Person A will choose choices that best serve Person A. And I don’t mean this from an egotistical standpoint, I mean this from “What is the highest action that person A can do to serve not just themselves, but to the community at large,” standpoint. It’s really silly to take things personally. I mean, I know it’s hard, because it’s your direct and quote unquote, personal experience with whatever it is that may or may not be happening (depending on the condition of your mind—only you can decipher what is a projection and what is the reality) but to put it layman’s terms, it ain't personal, yo. I suppose you could say it’s personal and impersonal all at the same time and sometimes it’s difficult to remember that the world does not revolve around you. Is that harsh? Sometimes I can be too honest. But well, sometimes there’s no other way to say it. Here are some tips on how navigate through taking the actions of others personally.
Offer it to the fire. If a situation has occurred that you have no control over, but it’s eating away your inner world, here’s the trick. Ready? It’s really simple. Let it go. It’s as easy as that! Your mind is the gatekeeper to what you are able to release and relinquish. Your mind is a very powerful tool. It has the potential to be your greatest servant, but also can be your more dreadful master. Don’t be enslaved to your mind. Your mind is a gift! Choose what you want to hold onto, choose what you want to let go of. I’m really good at not taking things personally. I wasn’t always this way. I used to be very emotional and took everything as an attack of direct offense. …So I get it. I understand how hard it is to not take things personally. It gets easier though. Through practice of clarity and questioning everything you perceived to be as true, you come to the realization that you really don’t have much control over anything. The universal laws are going to get played out whether you want them to or not. The wisest thing to do is let nature take her course and do what she sees fit.
Everyone’s going to have his or her own vantage point. Every human has the right to see the world in whatever way they choose. There are some humans who can only see out of a tiny miniscule 2cm x 2cm sphere. There are some humans who can see out of infinite x infinite sphere. The larger the scope the better; that’s when you can gather all the information and have a more well rounder, fuller, more true understanding of what you’re looking at vs. the tiny hole of a binocular lens that you’re squinting your eyelids to look through. Think about this for a moment: here you are reading this article, sitting in front of your computer or iPhone or Blackberry, in your office, home, wherever you are, in the city you live in, within the country you are a part of, on the continent that surrounds you, sandwiched between two, maybe even three oceans on the Earth you inhabit, in the Solar System of “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.” Thank you third grade for implementing that mnemonic in my memory bank. Further out onto the periphery of the Solar System (that humans know of and have recorded) lay the Milky Way and the Galaxy. Beyond that, WHO KNOWS. There is an infinite Universe beyond our knowing, who says what “you” see is the only way one should see? Practice expanding you perspective—it will make life a whole lot more kind and understanding.
3. OPEN YOUR HIPS.
My friend Tom and I were having this discussion today about how if everyone on the planet practiced asana specifically for hip openers, there would be PEACE ON EARTH! Anger, resentment, jealousy, frustration and a lot of muddy emotions lay in the floor of the pelvis. Get in there and get it out. The sooner you detox, purge out and purify your inner domains, the faster you will not have any of these reactions you may be having due to taking things way too personally. Some of my favorites are Agnistambasana, Eka Pada Rajakapotasana, Siddhasana, Padmasana, Supta Padmasana, and there are many others. If none of these strikes your fancy, then just try sitting on the floor. That’s the first step to opening your hips. Cross-legged seat, be still, chill on with the Earth, close you eyes even. If you’re one to take things personally, it probably has to do with something unhealed from your past and it is impeding on your ability to be here now fully in the present. I feel for you, I know what it’s like to be full of pain—emotionally, energetically, mentally and physically. I was there for a really really long time. But I got out. I healed myself. AND SO CAN YOU. Unfortunately and fortunately, I have no time for excuses and complaining. You choose—how do you want to live your life? What choices will you make? How will you show up in the world? How can you take one step closer to where you want to go than living the memory of your past?
4. WATCH YO’SELF.
If your actions of today are based upon the memory of your yesterday… well I think you may have to heal your samskaras. If you’re living life “in defense” vs. “in wide and open arms” ask yourself, what are you afraid of? Why are you contracting the potential of natural expansion? When you let go of the grasp of control, then finally the threshold of the unknown begins to reveal itself. “Out Ultimate dharma is Self-Realization. Thoughts and actions that support our spiritual evolution are real dharma,” says Amma. That takes a lot of trust. More of an inner trust than anything else. If you think you can prance through life without this acknowledgement of something unknown and ineffable and incapable of being caught— but knowing that it’s there…well sooner or later you’ll find yourself in balasana, bowing to her lotus petalled feet. What are you gripping at, what are you contracting from, where do you feel attacked and small? Breathe into it, let it go, and watch—the body is so smart and intelligent, that the healing will occur all on its own. All you have to do is make the decision: to surrender everything you thought you once knew to be true to come to the realization along the lines of what Socrates states, once you know nothing, you know everything.
5. PARADIGM SHIFT
Rumi says, “Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.” Praise the light for this new perspective of living! This new paradigm consists of: radical honesty, truthful living, speaking and acting consciously, studying self in practice, questioning everything, and finally allowing yourself to live the life you want to live. Once you give yourself the permission to do whatever the hell you want, you give off the vibration to let others do the same. Plus, no one wants to be around a control freak, so just know what when you’re unleashing your excessive behavior. Manage your habits and tendencies. Work towards a more light filled life of Truth to be present in what life is offering you today, right now, at this very moment. BE HERE NOW.
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