This tantric concept of Advaita -- non-duality -- was one that I struggled with for a long time. It just made no sense to me: I knew for certain that I was damaged goods. Clearly, there had to have been something wrong with me for my father to have sexually abused me, and for my mother to have not protected me. And if by some slim chance I had started off OK, I was most definitely sullied now. A monster.
Your stuff might not be quite like mine but chances are you have some story you tell yourself about why you can't be whole: maybe you are too fat, or too tall. Maybe you have health challenges. Maybe you were violated or hurt in some way and are finding it hard to heal. We all have our stuff.
I’d like to tell you about one of the most whole, integrated people I have ever met.
He has no arms.
He was born that way.
That’s right. He’s missing two of his four limbs, and he is WHOLE. Happily married, successfully careered, self-driving, home-cooking, world-traveling whole.
He only came to see me as a private yoga client because he was getting a little older and his right-leggedness was making him creaky in the back. Just like any other desk worker.
And what’s more? He was probably healthier in every other way than I was.
Knowing him really shifted my reality. If this man was whole, and lived his life fully, I really had no excuse. It was time to look at my internal injuries and realise that although they marked me,of course, they hadn’t taken away from my essential me-ness. My wholeness, perfection. Purnam if you want to toss in a bit of Sankskrit.
You have it too. So does everyone. Even the dodgiest ones. We are not broken, we don’t need fixing. Occasionally, some pain relief or healing maybe. But not fixing.
Good luck wrapping your head around that -- I battled for years!