Struggling To Open Up After A Heartbreak? It Might Not Be For The Reason You Think

You were brave. You let yourself love fully. You were vulnerable. And you were crushed when the person you gave your heart to abused your love or moved on. Now, even though you want a healthy new relationship, it's hard to trust again.

Does this sound familiar? It's not just you. I'm a therapist as well as a dating coach. As such, I'm well aware that many people re-entering the dating field after a bad experience are understandably cautious. They have seen the darkness and felt the pain of losing love.

For most this isn't just an intellectual decision. It's a feeling. You might genuinely want to date, but find it hard to feel excited about anyone you meet. Or you lose any emerging feelings of attraction for them over the slightest thing. Or you just feel flat and exhausted when you think about dating.

Here's how. Recognize that you don't have to trust another person. You have to trust yourself.

When you are confident in your good judgment, in your ability to protect yourself, and in your clarity about your needs, you have nothing to fear from other people. When you feel safe, when you feel strong, your excitement about possibilities naturally increases. You're free to feel attraction and even hope.

Many of my clients who have been traumatized by past relationships feel that the primary betrayal they experienced was their betrayal of themselves. They accepted things they shouldn't have. They tolerated mistreatment for too long. They dismissed their inner wisdom and suffered the consequences.

Have you learned from the past? Have you done an inventory of the relationship that broke your heart? Do you sincerely believe that you are worthy of love and respect? Do you know how to keep yourself safe from people who can't or won't love you well? Do you know how to tell the difference between healthy people and unhealthy people? Do you know what a healthy relationship is?

These are all big, complicated questions. However, when the answer to those questions is yes, you have nothing to fear in meeting new people. When you trust yourself to tell the difference between a keeper and a loser, dating becomes fun again. When you are able to quickly identify and cut loose the ones who are not worthy of your love, you will stay safe.

Daring to trust again, like all things, is an invitation to growth. You have the power to create the life and the love that you want. Consider that your heartbreak, as awful as it was, is an invitation for you to learn, grow, and become stronger and wiser.

The courage to trust again requires trusting yourself. You have the power to go slowly and choose not to let your feelings overwhelm your inner wisdom. Remind yourself that it takes a long time to get to know people, and that character is revealed over time. Stay true to your values and yourself.

You will feel stronger and more empowered when you remind yourself of these truths:

You don't need to immediately trust other people when you trust yourself to make good decisions. You are worthy of love and respect.