For many years, I battled with low self esteem. Mainly it stemmed from conflicts I experienced as a teenager and negative experiences I’d had from my relationships.
I often let other people impact how I felt about myself because of what they said to me or the opinions they shared. I didn’t realize that people who felt the need to put down others are actually the ones who feel bad about themselves.
I remember confiding in my great uncle about how unhappy I felt, and he said that one day I'd grow into a beautiful woman.
I had no belief at all that I would, and even when I lost a lot of weight, I still did not feel attractive and comfortable in my own skin. Although the weight had been shed, my mind was still the same.
Whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, it’s important to first understand what qualities you'll have after you change.
Will you feel happier, sexy, attractive, desirable, confident, self assure, accepted?
All of these qualities can be gained before any changes take place physically, because self-esteem and self-love must come from inside you. This is the biggest secret to boosting self worth, and learning to accept yourself for who you are: It must start from within.
When your thinking changes, your neurology changes.
The way you interact with people changes and in turn, the way people interact with you changes. Your perception of the world is seen in a much more positive light and you can feel assured that you are coming from your power when you take full control and responsibility for yourself.
In order to believe that you have power, you need to change the language you use, the decisions you make, and the way you interact with people. Why spend your life being the victim? When you behave like a victim, people will treat you like a victim.
Many of my clients come to me because their negative thoughts about themselves and the world around them have completely taken over. Nothing excites them, they have consistent negative feelings, and feel powerless to make a change.
When you next doubt yourself and your ability, or feel like you’re beating yourself up verbally, ask yourself some questions that identify your good points:
- What do you like about yourself, even the smallest and minor recognitions here are important?
- What positive qualities do you posses?
- What have you achieved in your life so far, however small?
- What challenges have you faced and overcome?
- What are your talents and skills?
- What do other people value in you?
- What aspects of yourself do you appreciate?
- What are the bad things you are not?
- How might another person you know and trust describe you?
Doing this exercise will get you thinking in a more positive way, re-framing your thoughts so that you can focus on what is good and positive as opposed to negative and depleting.
A person who has a balanced sense of self esteem will be able to identify good points about herself. She'll be able to speak highly of other people and give compliments.
He will own his decisions. Although he'll make mistakes, he'll bounce back without worrying what other people might be saying or thinking.
As a result they have strength and control over their decisions, allowing them to achieve their visions and live more fulfilled lives.
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